The Gray Garden: The Promise [eng]

It was raining. Or maybe that was her tears? Who could say? Etihw surely no. That didn't matter anyway.

She didn't know when her knees touched ground. With her head put down, she was fighting for breath. It hurt. More than she expected. Way too much she could handle. Clenching her hands into fists, Etihw bent down to the ground. Her vision was blurred, but she didn't care. She has seen enough to understand. At first, she was trying to deny, but fooling herself didn't change true.

Too late. I came… too late.

Ivlis's words haunted her mind. As well, his cruel smile with which he was tormenting her when she showed up. Etihw wasn't sure he had gone or maybe stood after her back, waiting for the perfect time to kill her.

However, the god knew he didn't want to. He already took what he needed. Her pain was just extra attraction for him, nothing more.

And there she was: god of nothing, left all alone, without hope. Once again, everything was ripped away from her. Etihw closed her eyes. Her hands were shaking, as well her all body. For a while she was sitting still in silence, a moment later cried out in pain and rage.

"H-how…? Why did I…?"

She paused suddenly out of words. Instead, a choked sob escaped her and she buried her face in her hands. Tears were running down her face, wetting hairs and cloths. There were warm, but Etihw felt only chill. Something cold seemed to grew up in her chest and rips her from inside.

It hurt.

As well as knowing that she had failed. She came too late. She had let herself be approached like a child, and there was nothing she could do. If only she had listened to Kcalb before bad things did happen…

"Kcalb… I'm… s-sorry…"

But nobody listened. There weren't anyone who could.

Only her, empty world and ashes. Like back then, but… worst.

It's my fault.

She knew it. As the god of this world, she had all the responsibility. If only she took it more serious or improved the protection. But she was sure that her crystals were enough! It always were! And yeah, maybe she should go out more often and never let her guard down. Just maybe, but…

But they lived at peace, wasn't it? Their world, their Grey Garden…

Now it all disappeared in the blink of an eye.

We were to live at peace… But what is peace anyway?

Was she fooling herself all this time? She and Kcalb made something what seemed to be impossible for other worlds. Sometimes she wondered it could it be. They fought so long, hurting each other. Was that kind of sin could be forgiven? But Etihw wanted to believe. So she did. After eons, she built the home she always wanted – and she made him part of it. To be fair, he was a reason. She could handle everything as long he was by her side. It worked at first time and Etihw was able recreated her world after long war.

But now… Now she was all alone.

The god of empty world.

The god of nothing.

Oh… So she was stupid. The danger came from outside. Wasn't that obvious?

I should to know. I really should…

But there was her world and the peace was all she wanted. Especially after the war, Etihw never thought about beginning a new one. She trusted Kcalb, so why she should? Any of them never tried to fight with other worlds, so she never expected any foes from there.

Stupid me. It wasn't supposed to work, was it?

A bitter laugh escaped Etihw's chest. Of course not. Other worlds didn't work that way. Gods were cruel as well as devils. Ivlis was a proof.

Ivlis…

Sob suddenly stopped. Etihw sat still, caught her breath. She slowly got up and looked at her empty world. It still hurt her from the inside, but somehow… pain seemed to be a bit different. Emptiness become something else.

How many years passed since she felt rage like that?

And then…

Snap.

She groaned. The god raised face to the gray sky. Okay then. They wanted her to fall? There. Her world was nothing, she was as well. Nothing left, so… Why not? She hadn't anything to lose anyway.

Funny. Indeed, fate was fickle. Etihw always wanted to believe in free will, but now she wasn't sure. It felt like everything was doomed from the start, no matter how hard she tried.

You really want me to play by your rules?, she thought. She wasn't sure who she was addressing her words, but it didn't matter. Maybe she slowly became madness, but the god was strangely sure that someone was listening.

"Okay then. Here I come."

She wanted to revenge? Maybe. There wasn't Wodahs to reason with her. Not anymore. Rage seemed to be better than helplessness. Etihw knew what grief and hopelessness felt like. She knew the paralyzing emptiness that sapped her strength. So she denied. This time she was going to fight it. And then… Then anything could happen.

"I'll fix it. I promised, didn't I? So many times…" She laughed. "Didn't think about something like that but… Yes, I'll fix it."

However, she would do it. She had no idea, but she didn't think about it. Anger drove her to action, and that was good. At that moment, she thought that even if she had to leave fire and ashes behind her, she would. If there was no room for a peaceful world…she was going to create one.

But first it will get to those who started it all.

With a crooked smile, Etihw stepped forward. There were so many things to do. She had forgotten what such hard work meant, but she wasn't about to complain. She had been passive for far too long anyway.

And that was a promise.

The promise she wanted to keep no matter what.